ITS ABOUT TIME!!

I know, I know....it has been FOREVER! I have been saying for awhile now that I was going to update my blog, and had every intention of doing it, but things have been so busy lately. Well, without further ade au...

I don't even really know where to start. Things are good in my life right now. I have had some interesting, and rather humbling experiences in the past few months that have caused me to open my eyes a bit and realize just how small I am.....how small we all are. It has been a road complete with uphill climbs and continuous life-lessons the last 7+ years. I have always known I was a bit of an introvert when it came to my personal life and my inward battles. I try to never be in a position of truly needing someone. Instead, I like to try and conquer life's tempests on my own. I think the most effective way to put someone in their place is to take away their control of their own life. One of the hardest things I have had to learn was the ability to depend on others when I cannot physically depend on myself. I still have a hard time with it and often have to be compelled to reach out and grab hold of one or two of the many hands that are constantly outstretched for me.

About 4 months ago I found myself in a situation I have never been in. I have struggled with my health for quite some time now, but have typically been able to bounce back fairly quickly when it's harsh blows knock me down. This time however...I did not get up so easily. I had been feeling so well for so long that I began to think I was out of the woods. Before I knew it, I was in a deeper rut than ever before. It started with a seizure and 3 subsequent blackouts in the same week. Then came a stomach virus that landed me in the hospital for IV fluids due to the fact that I couldn't even keep so much as water down for days. I was nauseated for a solid week and a half to the point of being forced to eat just to be able to function. Next came the flu and a week and a half long migraine followed by pneumonia. I got so weak that I couldn't get out of bed to dress myself. After that, my reproductive system shut down leaving me with over 30 cysts on my ovaries. My endocrine system shut down and my body stopped absorbing the nutrients I was taking in when I finally was able to eat again and my most current blood work is indicating the deterioration of kidney function. I have collectively lost 40 lbs and can't seem to stop dropping despite my efforts of weight gain. I finally started feeling well enough to slowly get back to work, gradually got the color back in my face and started to feel better other than the fact that I still can't seem to get my strength back in its entirety. Then, 2 weeks ago I was home alone on my lunch break and decided to work on a blanket I am making. I was cutting the fabric when I blacked out again. When I woke up on the floor and couldn't see out of either eye, I realized I was covered in blood. The scissors had caught me on the way down right above my eyebrow. I have about a 2-2½ inch scar that had to be stitched and superglued together.

I know what you are thinking, and you couldn't be more correct.......THIS GIRL IS A WALKING, BREATHING, TALKING SAFETY HAZARD!! Don't worry though, as usual, I am just fine. Seriously. I am feeling much better, worked out last week for the first time in months, am starting to sleep again and am back in the normal swing of things. The doctors are working to try and figure out what is causing these random issues, but are hopeful that they can regulate things in the near future. They will most likely be sending me up north to a few clinics, including the Mayo clinic, which is known for being the best in the country. They have decided that my entire autonomic nervous system is basically jacked and, instead of just seeing my cardiologist, I need to be treated by a team of doctors from specific specialties.

Now, it may seem as though things have been in a state of disarray, and I have my days where I think that very thing. However, I honestly couldn't be a luckier or more fortunate girl. My body may not be perfect, but it could be so much worse and it still functions to the capacity of allowing me to do most of the things I want to do.......and when it doesn't, I do them anyway!! I was sick for 2 months, but there are thousands upon thousands of people with terminal illnesses, and my life is in no danger. I may not have the energy or strength to go run a marathon (and even if I did you couldn't pay me enough money to because I despise running), but if the worst of my worries is not being able to kill myself at the gym everyday then cry me a freakin river. There are some days when my body aches all over and I can hardly drag myself out of bed, but there are people with no arms or no legs who can't even perform normal daily activities on their own. I got stabbed with scissors (unconsciously self-inflicted might I add, which isn't easily done by the average person), but I could have lost my eye or landed in a position where I was stabbed in a vital organ. Instead I just have a KICK A scar that makes people think twice about messing with me!

I have learned that it is all about perspective. I have days where I seem to only see the shadows of life and feel as though I was handed a raw deal. All I need to do is step outside of myself and my own selfishness for a mere moment to realize how wrong I am.

As far as everything else....things are good. Single, as usual. When you spend 12 hours of your day at work, and you work in a gym, all you get is meatheads, undercover married men, and creepy McCreepertons hitting on you. There is something about walking through the threshold of a gym door that changes a man. It's actually kinda funny. If you are a "people watcher" like myself, go spend a day in a gym. You would be amazed at the things you'll see. You might want to take an extra pair of draws though because you will likely piss your pants laughing on more than one occasion.

Thats all for now folks.